Transporter 2 (2005) – movie review

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Movie Review by Dr Kuma

Starring: Jason Statham, Alessandro Gassman, Amber Valletta, Kate Nauta

Director: Louis Leterrier

I went into this film hoping for the best as the first was such a pleasant surprise. Of course, the second trip never really has the thrill of the first and although the route it was taking looked promising, we ended up lost in the town of Cliche On Sea.

The plot for what it’s worth revolves around our old chum The Transporter, professional driver and cockney hard man living in Miami, Frank Martin, who is temporarily filling in for a friend as the chauffeur for a government narcotics control policymaker and his family. As in most thrillers of this sort, the young boy in the family is targeted for kidnapping and Frank immediately becomes involved in protecting the child and exposing the kidnappers, who have a rather nasty way of poisoning the entire population of the US, using the boy as the harbinger of death.

All this sounds very over the top and it is, although, begrudgingly, some of it is immensely entertaining. The problem that I (and many others) will have is that this again looks like a computer game rather than a film. It starts off well with some well imagined titles before turning into something for a PS2 rather than a DVD.

All the actors come out of it ok but some of the computer orientated stunts are so jaw droppingly silly, I really would love to have seen this in a cinema. One stunt in particular must have brought the house down as I nearly wet myself laughing it was so stupid, before losing interest in the film all together in parts. If you want 85 mins (yes, it’s as short on time as it is tall in story) to pass quickly then this is the film for you. A power nap if ever there was one, but as with most dreams, you only remember small fragments and they will fade with time.

Still, it’s worth seeing for the rather over the top Audrey Billings, played by Amber Valletta, a girl who keeps machine guns in her G-strings and walks around with smudged make up and little else. It did seem the casting of Jason Statham and Jason Flemyng was a poor man’s attempt to rekindle the originality of SNATCH. Although both are fine, they both seem to be merely voicing their characters in this computer game of a film rather than breathing life into them and this continues the downward spiral of Luc Besson (producer/co-writer). I doubt this TRANSPORTER will pick up any really good reviews.

Dr Kuma’s verdict: Not quite a non-starter but miles behind the original.

3 out of 6 stars